José Horta Manzano

O Carnaval está aí, minha gente! É hora de esquecer, nem que seja por alguns dias, as agruras da vida real.

Cem anos atrás, quando nossa festa maior ainda se confundia com o entrudo, não havia internet. Mas todo cidadão medianamente escolarizado possuía alguns rudimentos de francês, língua dominante da época. Minha avó sabia até a letra da Marseillaise ― na sua visão muito pessoal, entenda-se.

Hoje em dia, somos quase todos navegantes da rede. O mundo mudou, o francês foi suplantado pelo inglês, e todos os que se aventuram na internet têm de ter, queiram ou não, alguns rudimentos de inglês. Se não, estão perdidos.

Vamos aproveitar estes dias para atenuar a dureza do quotidiano. Vamos observar um pouco como se ajeitam outros povos para se comunicar numa língua que nem sempre lhes é familiar. Diversão garantida.

Quem preferir, pode mudar de canal e torcer por sua escola preferida no desfile da avenida. Ou do sambódromo.

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the Manager.

On the grounds of a private school:
No trespassing without permission.

On an Arctic River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

On a sign in Japan:
Do not lean on gate for it occurs you Trouble.

On a poster at Fight Illiteracy:
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.

In a City restaurant:
Open seven days a week and weekends.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS!

On a Japanese hotel’s website:
Beautiful green, seasonal flowers, and carps in the pond are waiting for you.
Is the public bath hot spring?
Tofu is made of soybeans, water, and magnesium chloride.
Here is tasteful Kyoto that you have been thinking of!
The link is free and there is not getting in touch on the occasion of the link in this page, being necessary.
Is there a laundry machine? Yes. It is on the roof top of our hotel.

In a maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.

Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
Please do not bring solicitors into your room.

Hotel brochure in Italy:
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

In a Shanghai Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Chinese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going  alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Serbian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Aalad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From a Russian Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Russian Federation painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Amanhã tem mais.